We are all familiar with the Bro Code. Barney Stinson even wrote an entire book on the subject, with rules such as 1) Bros before hoes, 3) You must never own a cat, and 19) Never share a bed with a guy, unless there’s no way around it. Guys have rules for when they go out…but what’s the code for girls?
When I first went out to bars and nightclubs with two of my girlfriends, I was in a relationship and they were single. They both went to hook up with guys, leaving me standing on my own like some sort of loser. Obviously, ‘Chicks before Dicks’ wasn’t on their code; they instead opted for ‘Dicks, Dicks, and more Dicks’. This leads me to believe that there should be some sort of Chick Code to make sure that at least other girls don’t end up looking exactly like me: a loser in a nightclub.
The Chick Code
1. Chicks before D$%ks. It doesn’t matter if the D#*k is a celebrity, or if he’s Prince William: never leave another Chick alone in a bar for a Dick.
2. Chicks don’t pee alone. Ever. If a Chick asks another Chick to go to the bathroom with her at bars and nightclubs, the answer is always yes. It doesn’t matter if the other Chick is dancing with a hot guy. Chicks. Should. Always. Say. Yes.
3. On that note, if a Chick goes to the bathroom in front of another Chick while out at night, it is automatically forgotten the next day.
4. Chicks don’t let other Chicks do any sort of 80s dance moves in bars and Bellingham Pub, such as the Shopping Cart, the Churning Butter, or the Running Man. If a Chick sees another Chick doing any of these moves, she must either tell the Chick to stop, or pretend she does not know the Chick until she stops.
5. If a Chick is dancing with a guy that was an ex-boyfriend (or a ‘sort-of’ ex-boyfriend), the brother, or the best friend of another Chick, he is off limits. If the Chick kisses this guy, she can be prepared to be given silent treatment for at least 3 days.
6. If a Chick is throwing up after drinking, it is the duty of the other Chicks to hold her hair back, hold her clutch, and to make sure the guy who was about to ask for her number does not find someone else.
7. It doesn’t matter if she’s had 5 martinis, or 10 Burgers at McDonalds after a night out…Chicks never look fat.
8. Even if a Chick isn’t drinking, if the other Chicks are drinking she must pretend to be tipsy when they are tipsy, and drunk when they are drunk. Tip: This can involve phrases like “Oh my god, I am sooooo wasted!” or pretending to fall over onto guys.
9. If one Chick cannot get into a bar or nightclub, the other Chicks must:
a. All leave the venue and ask the Chick what happened
b. Offer to pay any cover charge for the Chick if she cannot pay for herself
c. Hold the Chick steady if she is obviously too drunk to be let in
d. If the above fail, the other Chicks must flirt with the bouncer until he agrees to let them all in